At 6:50am Tuesday morning, as my oldest sons were donning their brand new sneakers, packing up new school supplies and getting ready for the first day of public school EVER,…. I was heading out the door on my own adventure- grad school! I would miss the first bus stop, first day jitters, and then afterwards, the reports of teachers, friends, and everything else that surround that magical day – the First Day of School.
I had considered myself lucky- this semester I was able to get all of my classes on one day. This would save on commuting time and costs, daycare costs for my 4 year old, and after-school care logistics for my other two. Viola!
This full day of classes means I am gone from 7:00am to 10:30pm. Not too bad, when you think of it as a full day to step out of mommy role and play grownup. But it happens to coincide with the kids first day of school. And I mean FIRST.
I’ve been homeschooling my two oldest for the past 2 years, for reasons that I won’t go into here. It was the best thing we could have done at the time, but a recent move has put us in a great school district, and so this year the kids are off to public school!
So with complete and utter abandon (or abandonment?) I went from “full time, always there, homeschooling mommy,” to “OK kids, the school’s over there, bus comes in a couple hours, call dad if you need anything, I’ll see you tomorrow, I’m off to pursue the world” grad student…er, I mean Mom.
I was fine with it, too. “Its time,” I told myself, and my husband.
Over and over again.
The boys need to venture out, and I need to reclaim some of myself. And the excitement of my own classes helped numb some of that creeping Mother Guilt.
Until I got on the highway. For the last 34 minutes of my commute I cried like a baby. It totally took me by surprise, too. I mean, I was excited for the kids, and a little disappointed to miss their first day, but I knew I’d hear all about it the next day. But once I actually left and got to thinking about them clambering up onto that yellow bus for the first time….well, it was too much.
My husband very dutifully took lots of pictures – evidence that they were fine. (Maybe a little too fine…perhaps that evidence be destroyed?) And he called me as soon as the bus left. I was just walking into my first class.
It was at that point I was able to take a deep breath, relax, and enjoy delving into a subject matter a few steps deeper than the Backyardigans.
And it was glorious! For all of us- the kids had a great first day. They met friends, liked teachers, and I got to hear all about it during a break in one of my classes.
The only hitch? No one picked up the kids from school! We had arranged for an after-school program on these days, but somehow that program had the boys down for the wrong day. But after a few phone calls, the school got in touch with my husband and he left work to go get them (thanks, honey!). Problem solved- but not by me! As the former go-to problem solver, there is something very liberating about being able to say that!
So I guess you could say I abandoned the kids, both figuratively (sending them to public school after years of homeschool, just so I could do my own thing) and literally (left them with no ride home from school!)
Hopefully I can pay off student loans before the kids start needing therapy.
1 Comment
September 9, 2007 at 11:41 pm
Laurie,
I loved reading your ‘first day’ experiences. Being a mother and trying to be a person also can cause emotional conflicts. Know that just because you made it through the first day of school, you are not home free. There will be other issues down the road. Having to decide wether to send a child with a slight fever to school or stay home and miss an important class is one that comes to mind. In the end your children will understand that having a full filled mom is a wonderful gift. In the end, take comfort in realizing that you are providing your children with the real life experiences they will rely on for years to come.