The hardest semester…

Hello! I’m back!

Last time I wrote I was trying to narrow down a thesis topic. Now, six months and four classes later, I’m finally posting again!

This has been by far the hardest semester I’ve had. In order to finish in time, I had to take four classes. In hindsight, I think that was a mistake….I should have just taken a class in the summer and graduated late. Instead I nearly killed myself trying to squeeze it all in!

One thing that made this semester so difficult was that all three kids got involved in spring sports! That’s right- baseball, soccer and track! We had practices almost every day of the week, and games on the weekends! By the time time the kids went to bed, I was exhausted! I would stay up to study, but I wasn’t very productive.

If I had it to do over again, I would have taken my normal load (3 classes) and gone to bed earlier.

That being said, I did LOVE my classes – especially Cross Cultural Communications. I did finally figure out a thesis topic, but I ended up getting an extension, so I’m still working on it!!

I technically have until the end of the summer to get it finished, but the kids get out of school next week, so I’m really trying to get it all wrapped up then.

Speaking of which, I should really get back to work!

More soon!

Could the family handle it?

I’m currently taking a Cross Cultural Communications class – and I’m loving it! I’ve been looking forward to this course for a long time – ever since I attended (and live blogged from) the Intercultural Managment Institute‘s annual conference.  Dr. Gary Weaver, the Executive Director of IMI, teaches the course.

I’ll probably post quite a bit of what I’m learning and studying on my other blog, but something in lecture the other day really struck me.

I’ve always thought about living and working overseas, or at the very least spending considerable time abroad doing field work.  I’ve felt pretty confident that I could adapt and handle living in a different culture, but I’ve often wondered how the family would handle it – after all, they haven’t been pining for this all their lives like I have!

So when Professor Weaver said that the most common reason for early return (of American employees working overseas) is an unhappy spouse, I had to pause. So how can you know if the fam could handle it?

It turns out there is a cluster of personality traits that correlate to failure to adapt to another culture. These are in no way predictive, but are generally reliable. (Also, it should be noted that we don’t know which personality traits correlate with success.)

1. High uncertainty avoidance – this person is generally well organized, comfortable with people who give direct answers, and sees the life as something that can be scheduled.
2. Overly task oriented – this person has a high need for individual achievement
3. Overly close minded – everyone is closed minded to a certain extent. But there is a difference between being parochial (not realizing there are alternative ways of doing things) and being ethnocentric (thinking your way is the best and only way!)

Now, this isn’t rocket science, but I found it very interesting to have it spelled out like this.

Another characteristic? Being a teenager. Pre-adolescents are MUCH better at adapting to another culture than teenagers.

Guess I’d better get busy – just 3 more years until my oldest hits the teens!!!

No such thing as a typical week

Today I realized something that has probably been glaring me in the face for a long time.

Display of iCal screenshot

I always plan for the typical week. My schedule, beautifully laid out in multicolored iCal goodness, never includes things like getting sick, emergency room visits, or neighbors stopping by. So we have to leave a little margin in our life to accommodate. That I get.

But I am able to plan ahead for some things  that have equally destructive powers- going out of town, the kids having days off from school when I don’t, out of town guests, etc. I can arrange childcare, make meals ahead, or other logistical considerations. It seems like I’m in control.

But, no.

Our routines can’t handle it. They get thrown out of whack. And routines, I’ve discovered are the difference between a household that hums, or one that screeches to a stop!

Any parent of an infant knows routines are key. And I’ve certainly heard many arguments in agreement (from classroom management experts to the FlyLady herself!).

The battle of a family routine

But I’ve always thought of them as part of the typical week. But now, despite several attempts to ‘reset,’  I realize there might be one or two weeks one our calendar that look “typical” – every other week has a visitor, a concert, a trip, or something that could throw things off.

So this semester, I’m going to try to really focus on routines. Especially for the children. Its not rocket science, I know, but I think we’ve been approaching it all wrong.

Some considerations:

– make sure hubby and I are on the same page

– make sure the kids understand what is expected (even on non-school days)

– make sure I know what I expect out of myself, and what hubby expects from himself

– others?

The first day of my last semester

Today was the first day of classes for the spring semester – it will be my last, and hardest semester! My courseload is usually 3 courses per semester, including summer. But since one of my classes was canceled last summer, I’m having to take four this spring in order to finish in time.

The break between semesters was nice. I didn’t do any academic work (or blog posting!). I wasn’t sure if I should try to get ahead on reading or just concentrate on relaxing. In the end, I’m glad I took the time to fully recharge.

Photo of Mr. Bento lunch thermos

I’m very excited about some of my Christmas presents! I asked for a rice cooker (which I’ve already used a billion times!) and a Mr. Bento lunch thermos. One of my goals this semester is to spend less money on food while I’m on campus. I was so excited to use my new toy this morning- packed myself a FABULOUS lunch of leftover Tunisian Eggplant and Chickpea Stew, along with some rice, yogurt, and blueberries…..mmmm! But, in the morning rush, I left it at home. 😦 So, I guess I’ll have to start on that goal tomorrow!

My classes this semester are on Mondays and Tuesdays, which also happen to be the busiest days for our family- wrestling, basketball and play practice all fall on these days. It was a challenge enough to manage it all when I wasn’t in class. Now, my husband will have to manage it all himself!

Planning ahead the night before is going to be key. Because I have a morning class on Mondays, I have to be ready to leave as soon as the kids are on the bus. That means I’ve got to get up and dressed, make the kids lunches, my lunch, put dinner in the crock pot and the clean up the mess from all that cooking BEFORE the 8am. (I guess I’ve gotten a little spoiled to doing all of that after I put the kids on the bus.)

On Mondays I’ll get home at about the same time as my husband and the kids (after wrestling practice). There will be just enough time to eat dinner, make sure the kids’ homework is done, then put them to bed. Tuesdays is going to be the real challenge for my husband. After work he’ll have to pick up one kid at play practice, then go across town to get the other 2 from after-school program, then take everyone off to basketball practice! There won’t be enough time (because of traffic) to go home and get dinner, so I’ll be packing dinners on Tuesday mornings!

So my mornings will involve a lot of food prep- I’m collecting portable dinner ideas if anyone has any!

Shifting gears

At last, my finals are over, papers turned in, and now I can settle in for some nice warm family time. Its been a whirlwind over the past few weeks trying to stay sane while writing, studying, de-lousing, baking, and everything else that comes at the end of the year. I’ve been done with classes for about a week now, and I’ve spent every moment catching up with holiday preparations. Its been nice to focus on other things for a while, but I’ve had a hard time changing my routine. I still stay up late- I just can’t quite make myself go to bed early. And its been a little stressful getting all the presents bought, wrapped, and shipped (I actually haven’t shipped any yet- guess my family will have some presents to open after Christmas!) I spent today making out a grocery list and tomorrow will spend most of the day baking and cleaning. (In-laws are coming!)

But despite all the items on my to do list, I’ve had a lot of fun with the kids. My daughter had a ‘decorate the gingerbread house’ party in her kindergarten class, and the boys both have parties on Tuesday (can you believe theyre in school until the 23rd?).

And so, for now I’m taking a break from academia. But I don’t think it will be long. Before the end of the semester, I agreed to write an article, and my course load next semester is going to be really big, so I’m thinking I should try to get some reading done while I have some extra time.

Who am I kidding? Extra time? I still have to wrap presents, bake dozen more cookies and plan Christmas Eve dinner!

Maybe after Christmas….

Happy Holidays!!

Of Lice and Men

This week has been a booger.

As the semester end nears, the papers and projects that are due increasingly overwhelming. I’ve actually done a decent job of staying on top of things. I’ve finished one group project WAY ahead of schedule (which feels great!) and I’ve started the other three that are all due within three weeks.

But the problem is, in those three weeks I’ve got Thanksgiving, my son’s colonial day (in which he needs a costume), volunteering my my daughter’s art class, and I’m sure two or three other things that I’ve forgotten about.

So it seems that every couple of hours for the next several days are scheduled – I’ve marked out times to work on papers, and times to be with family. And that schedule is tight!

That’s why Sunday night when we discovered our three precious angels had caught head lice, I lost it! Actually, Sunday I was fine. Ran to the store, got the kit, sat the boys down in front of a movie and got to work. If you’ve never done it, it is a pain in the @$$.

I went to bed tired, disappointed that I hadn’t been able to work on a paper, but glad the ordeal was over.

But then yesterday afternoon I got a call from my daughter’s day care, and yes, sweet baby number three had the creepy crawlies. AAGGGH! That afternoon was my last chance to get any progress made on 2 lit reviews! But instead I spent the next couple of hours doing nit reviews!!! (Ha- at least now I can make lice jokes!)

I was so frustrated and overwhelmed, I just cried.

But like any other mother, I pulled myself together and got it done. The bet part was, that evening my husband came home with a bouquet of roses. I guess he knew how frustrated I was and this was his way of being encouraging (and probably thanking me for being the one to be on bug patrol)

So Thanksgiving will have a few little twists – I’ll be watching the kids for itching, and doing a follow up treatment, AND hopefully, writing a couple of papers.

There’s always something….!

Procrastination – Do as I say, not as I do

One thing about being a mom – you start to realize all the things you are modeling for your kids that you wish you  weren’t. Whether its picking up your socks, fussing at people in traffic, or putting your elbows on the table – we all have something that we do, but that we tell our kids not to do.

But when we are both in school, you also get to model study habits. Uh-oh!

A large part of my schoolwork is done after the kids go to bed, so they don’t always see me doing it. But then there are times when I’ve put off some work and am left squeezing in reading or writing into every spare minute. And I’m usually in bad mood then. And the kids know it – there is no fooling them!

So it makes it all the harder to talk to my son about procrastinating in his own work. As a fourth grader, he is entering a world of projects that are due a couple of weeks away. He is just starting to learn how to break it down, make a work plan, and get it done little by little.

But knowing how to do it, and actually doing it are two different things! Of course I KNOW how plan things out. I rock at that! You should see my assignment planner – it is a beauty! And anyone who follows the plans I develop would be on top of things and enjoying a stress free life. And it would be easy to blame it on all the unexpected things that come up (like the 2 dozen cupcakes that one of the kids told me about on Sunday evening). But the truth of the matter is, I probably would have been updating my Facebook then anyway. I’ve got some study habits that I need to revisit.

So we’re working on this together. I can admit to myself that I need to get back to the basics of not procrastinating. But its nice to be able to hide behind the cover of “I’m working with my fourth grader on it.”

After all, its all about the kids, right?

😉

First day of kindergarten…

This morning I put my baby on the bus for kindergarten. Wow- was I unprepared for the emotions that came with that! She was nervous at first, but excited. And with absolute trust, she got on and rode away. Likewise, with absolute trust, I put her on and watched as she rode away!

Cover of a book by Nancy Carlson

The hours that followed were some that I had dreamed of for years – time to get some errands run, do some laundry, read some coursework. And I did…at least I tried. The errands was the easiest. But when it came down to concentrating on a text – forget it! I kept checking the clock and wondering what she would be doing.

I finally printed out a reading, got some iced coffee and drove to the school early, to wait for dismissal.

I wasn’t the only one – there were at least 7 other moms in front of me!

Suffice it to say, we both made it through her first day of kindergarten. I’ll have to stay up tonight to finish all the work I didn’t get done today. And maybe tomorrow I’ll be able to concentrate a little more!

Second Year Begins…

Energizer Bunny

I’m not sure I when the first year ended exactly, but here I am in the library waiting for my first class of my second year of grad school to start.

The spring and summer were a blur (as evidenced by the fewer blog posts). The fellowship extended throughout the summer, which gave me some much needed mulah, but I feel like I completely missed summer with the kids. Between Budapest,  visiting the grandparents, and moving PLUS 3 courses and a fellowship, I’m not sure if  I even SAW the kids!

I think last year I kinda went on a “I’m not stuck in the house” bender and now I’m ready to find a better balance. Over the summer a friend of mine from high school lost her two kids in a drowning accident, and it really hit me- I can’t keep pushing them down the priority list. Not that its not possible to balance grad school and children, but I think I was taking them for granted. And as the summer winds down, and I’m missing the time I could have spent with them but didn’t, I’m ready for a change.

Fortunately this semester I have classes on 2 days. My youngest is starting up kindergarten (sniff), and I’ve cut back my hours DRASTICALLY – just enough to get by. The biggest change is that I’ll be working from home, so now I’ll be around when the kids get out of school and I’ll see my daughter everyday at lunch!

Make no mistake, I’m still going to be busy. Really busy. But if I’ve planned it right, I’ll be no longer be busy and gone.

On my way…

Its been a while since I posted- I’ve been swamped with my fellowship, an online class, and the extra hours that my boss has given me.

I’m not even sure if I’ve mentioned my trip to Budapest! I leave in just a few hours to go to Hungary for 2 weeks, for a really interesting course, called “Media, Democratization and Civil Society.” Its put on by the Annenberg School at UPenn and Central European University.

I’ll be blogging and hopefully vlogging here about the trip. More academic reflections from the course will be posted to my other blog, 40brown.wordpress.com.

I’ve been so busy with other things, I haven’t really had time to think about being gone for two weeks!

I’m off to the airport – check back soon for updates!